Chapter 3 of 10
Building a life
the partner, the home, the work, the children — the years you were building it all.
№ 01
“What was your first proper job, and what did it teach you that school never had?”
№ 02
“What was your first home as an adult like — the actual rooms, not the address?”
№ 03
“How did you meet your partner — or the person you've come closest to spending your life with?”
№ 04
“If you've never had a long partnership — by choice, by chance, or by circumstance — what has that shape of life given you that pairing wouldn't have?”
№ 05
“What did you imagine adult life would be when you were starting out — and how did real adult life differ?”
№ 06
“Tell me about a decision in your twenties that set the direction of everything after.”
№ 07
“Did you become a parent? If yes, tell me about the first time you held your child.”
№ 08
“If you didn't become a parent — by choice, by chance, by circumstance — what has the absence of that role given or taken from your life?”
№ 09
“What was your wedding day, or the day a great commitment began, actually like?”
№ 10
“What was your first big argument, as adults, with the person you'd just chosen to live with?”
№ 11
“What was the hardest move you ever made — geographically?”
№ 12
“Have you had a job that nearly broke you?”
№ 13
“Tell me about a friendship that deepened in your twenties or thirties.”
№ 14
“What did your circle of friends look like in your thirties?”
№ 15
“Was there a time you nearly chose differently — said yes to a job, a city, a person, a path you eventually said no to?”
№ 16
“What was the first big purchase you remember saving long and hard for?”
№ 17
“Tell me about a colleague who taught you something you've carried forward.”
№ 18
“Was there a year of your twenties or thirties when you weren't sure who you were becoming?”
№ 19
“Tell me about something you built — a business, a project, a tradition, a routine — that you were proud of.”
№ 20
“What was your relationship with your parents like in your twenties?”
№ 21
“Did you ever take a risk that, looking back, was either foolish or formative — or both?”
№ 22
“Was there a community — a church, a club, a team, a town, a workplace — that you belonged to deeply in your early adulthood?”
№ 23
“What did money mean to you in your twenties — fear, freedom, identity, just numbers?”
№ 24
“Was there a year you nearly lost everything — financially, romantically, professionally?”
№ 25
“What was the most ridiculous thing you did, full of confidence, in your twenties?”
№ 26
“What kind of partner did you turn out to be in your first long relationship?”
№ 27
“If you're a parent, what's the moment when you realised you'd become your own mother or father?”
№ 28
“What was the first time you felt fully responsible for someone else's wellbeing?”
№ 29
“Was there a year in your thirties when your work and your life properly clicked together?”
№ 30
“If your younger self could see you at the end of this chapter — early forties, say, settled or unsettled — what do you think they'd be most surprised by?”